Kickass

What would happen if River Song and Ace ever met?


Both women were dressed top to toe in black leather. Black boots, black sunglasses, and both armed. But while one was a sleek, longlimbed young woman with straight brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, the other was a more mature woman, all curves, with a golden cloud of impossible curls.

They met, back to back, with a thump. They both kept firing, half sheltered by a tumbledown brick wall. The younger woman gave the newcomer a quick accessing glance then turned and shot a Dalek dead in the eyestalk. The top of its dome blew off.

“Nice.”

“Thanks.”

The older woman laid out a spray of economical weapon’s fire that took out three advancing Daleks in a row, shearing off two eye stalks and blowing one gun arm completely away.

“Exterminate!” the shout echoed off the ancient skyscrapers.

"Incoming!" yelled the younger woman.

Multiple Dalek fire concentrated on their sheltering wall.

The younger woman took a canister from her belt and tore the tab off with her teeth. She threw it over the wall, “Fire in the hole!” she yelled.

Both women ducked down and covered their heads, a massive explosion rocked the landscape, debris peppered the wall and flew, spiraling, over them, the clink of masonry and metal parts creating a staccato patter of rain.

The younger woman lifted her eyes up above the barrier and grinned. “Wicked.”

Both women checked their guns and loaded in fresh cartridges.

Each woman noticed the high tech armlets the other wore on their wrists.

“So. Who are you? ” the girl asked.

“Professor Song. Archeology.” River held out a manicured hand.

"Dorothy McShane - General Dogsbody." Ace clasped her arm in a quick shake.

“You're not bad for a dirt pusher,” Ace said.

“Oh, I have many skills.”

“Don’t we all,” the girl said, emptying her rifle clip and replacing it with a fresh one.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, nodding around the abandoned city.

River held up her wrist, showing her vortex manipulator. “Bit of an interesting archeological mystery here. A lost Dalek scoutship lands, and all its crew are destroyed, with no trace left of how it happened. Thought I’d take a look.”

She nodded down at the canisters attached to the girl’s belt. “I’m surprised we didn’t find any traces of those.”

The girl crouched, scanning the area beyond their barricade, gravel scrunching under her boots. “I modified them to use incendiary metals for the casing. Once they blow, the casing burns along with everything else. Can’t go leaving evidence littered around history.”

She turned and looked at the older woman, who was keeping watch behind them. “You a time agent?”

“Not as such, no. I’m a friend of the Doctor's.”

The girl grinned and shot another Dalek. “How is the professor these days?”

“Oh, looking fine.”

The girl’s eyebrows shot up at the insinuating tone. She turned to stare at the older woman.

"You said you were a friend of the Doctor's," she asked, putting a bit of emphasis on "friend."

"Oh, I am," River said, enjoying each word.

Ace started to grin wider. "So you're both Professors then?" There was a world of gleeful insinuation in her tone.

River pulled down her glasses. “You could say that.”

Ace barked a laugh.

Dalek fire started spearing all around them, blowing chunks out of the abandoned buildings around them.

“There’s half a dozen Daleks and a Dalek scout ship left to deal with.“ Ace said, nodding out to where a silver disk rested at a cant in the city rubble beyond.

“What say we mop up these Daleks and get history back on track?” Ace chambered a round into the mortar launcher of her rifle.

River grinned at her, and pulled out a second gun.

“Miss McShane, I like the way you think."